There is a song by RagānāBone Man called āHuman.ā I thought of this song today as the lyrics are āIām only human after all, so donāt put your blame on me.ā A great sentiment to excuse accountability for the things I let come out of my mouth. The bible says in Proverbs 18:21 āDeath and life are in the power of the tongue.ā And in Matthew 12:36 āBut I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgement for every empty word they have spoken.ā TPT Sobering.
Today I have been called to accountā¦and rightly so. It is with a heavy heart that I write this because I am better than this. Yet some character traits best forgotten and left far behind, rear their ugly heads at times and while I have sadly attempted to justify myself, I can never take back the ill-chosen and insensitive words I have spoken. I have hurt someone I love with all my heart, and it breaks mine to admit and acknowledge it, to him, to myself and to God.
Paul writes in Romans 7:15 āI am a mystery to myself, for I want to do what is right but end up doing what my moral instincts condemn. ā¦. My lofty desires to do what is Good are dashed when I do the things I want to avoid.ā TPT
It has been said that āold habits die hardā and I am finding this a truer statement than I care to admit. A lifetime and upbringing of negative speech has left a wide wake and while I can say I have much improved, the greater admission is that as a Christian, I am called to better and because of my faith I am held to a higher standardā¦.to live with heightened sensitivity, to treat all with love and respect and to guard my tongue. The words I speak are meant to be āhealing words offering fruit from the tree of lifeā gentle, life affirming, loving. Proverbs 15:4 TPT
This is a challenge on even the good days, when I chat carelessly, topic surfing and relaying information overheardā¦in a light-hearted, good-natured way, of course. š
Or those times, with the best of intentions, I speak what I believe to be encouraging, uplifting words or give advice to someone I think can benefit from my wisdom. š
Then other times I project onto those I am with, in situations that trigger within myself, deep emotional responses and I speak things that my companion ought not to hear or bear. š«
These are the times I hopelessly step over the line but these and other situations require a deep level of intuition and awareness that I so often miss. To know the heart and mind of the hearer.
In all my conversations and interactions with those I love, with casual acquaintances, with people I have no history or frame of reference, I cannot know how my words will be received, what are they thinking, carrying, going through in this moment and how is what I am speaking to them affecting them. The greatest impact is one of judgement, however well-intentioned the words may seem to me they will be perceived as judgement, and I am clearly warned not to judge another. For even if my overall intentions are coming from a place of love and concern, my heart is not known to them except by my choice of words ( conscious or subconscious) and in what context, tone and circumstance those words are spoken…and they are hearing through their life experience filters. Other times, I am just plain careless and insensitive and I have no excuse and cannot justify it. It is those times sorry is inadequate.
James 1:19 says,ā Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angryā¦.ā TPT
So it is with humility, sadness, and a deep longing for forgiveness, that I quiet myself to brace for the waiting. My usual ādefenceā would be to withdraw but I have no wish to feed shame and regret. They are selfish and unproductive emotional responses that serve neither party. Instead, I will entrust my loved one, myself and this mistake to God, ask for grace and forgiveness from all three and for help to think and ask myself how what I am about to say will land on the ears and heart of the listener before I speak. I will quiet myself, listen with intent and purpose and with Godās grace, learn from this painful experience and pray that in time, I will be forgiven for the hurt I have caused.
Meantime, I share this wonderful gift of grace from my devotional, āI Hear His Whisperā written by Brian Simmons and Gretchen Rodriguez. Cry with me.š
Titled: Give Me Your Failure
‘I see you. No one knows you the way I do. Even in the middle of your greatest failures, my eyes remain focused on you with holy longing. Give me your self-inflicted pain. Lay your guilt at My feet. Let Me lift the heaviness of disappointing yourself. Give Me your failure, and I will heal your heart. I will get to the core of the shame and disappointment you’ve carried. I will heal your self rejection. I will teach you how to be free.
I have no desire for you to walk with the weight of remorse on your shoulders. All I ask is that you offer me your heart again. My only requirement is full surrender. Total yielding to My love and forgiveness. I am the God of restoration. I am the Father who loves you just the way you are. The One whose love flows with healing virtue. The areas that have haunted you with regret will become testimonies of My grace. You will walk with wisdom, rightly discerning every step I want you to take. I have never expected perfection from you, only a willingness to walk with Me each day, listening for My voice.’
1 John 1: 9
If we freely admit our sins when His light uncovers them, He will be faithful to forgive us every time. God is just to forgive our sins because of Christ, and He will continue to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. TPT
References:
- Rag’n’Bone Man Song …”Human” You Tube #RagnBoneMan #Human
2. The New Testament….The Passion Translation 2020 edition Broadstreet Publishing Group, LLC
3. “I Hear His Whisper.. Encounter God’s Heart For You 365 Daily Devotions
by Brian Simmons and Gretchen Rodriguez Broadstreet Publishing Group, LLC