How do I untangle my personal perceptions of my experience of fatherly love to engage fully in the love of God portrayed as “My Father” in Heaven?
In a recent prayer time, God encouraged me to take a deeper delve into aspects of His Nature…to explore just one at a time. It was after the sermon at church by Rachel White, on Psalm 46:10, which reads “Be still and know that I am God”, that I began to ask just who is the great I AM, this God. We define Him as best we can by aspects of His nature….by what He does and offers to us in relationship, so I began to search the Bible for explanations, words, descriptions of God.
There is no shortage of titles and descriptors: The Creator, The King of all the earth, Judge, my Refuge, my Protector, Helper, Saviour, Defender, Deliverer, Provider, but these and many others do not portray the depth of intimacy of relationship of Our Heavenly Father. Why this one in particular? Because it has been my own experience and that of many people I have met and come to know, that carrying such pain of breakdown and “rupture” of relationship with fathers, has paralysed my developing trust and relationship with God in His capacity and expression as Our Heavenly Father.
There needs to be a separation of…. a restructure of thinking and perception that removes my experience, my disappointment and hurt of a worldly father in all his humanity and weakness… and not overlay all that has shaped my view, my concept of what a father is or should be, onto my Heavenly Father. I cannot deny God’s representation of himself as my Father. It is the Person of God in that Fatherly role that I must reconcile with. So, I begin with that distinction between my earthly, biological father and that of a Heavenly Father.
Some celebrate the awesome loving relationship with a Dad that creates no obstacle to relating to God as Father. Some have, or have had, a “Dad” that has faithfully mirrored a quality of fatherhood, loving, uplifting, tender and disciplined with love that equates, at least in an understanding of what being loved by a heavenly Father would represent. Others have not… and the spectrum of behaviours experienced, and lack of connection, love and respect have caused a disruption, an image and representation difficult to extract…untangle. Let me not be discriminatory here. The person of God reflects motherly qualities in equal measure. We, as in both men and women, are made in His image and reflect, in masculinity or femininity, the nature of our Creator as Father and Mother. Relationships with mothers are just as defining in an understanding of an experience with a Paternal God.
Until I can come to a place of forgiveness and release all judgement before God, for all I believe my earthly father or mother should have been but weren’t, I am hamstrung in receiving all that God has as an affectionate, compassionate, loving Father, who longs to enter the past and heal it in ways only He can. He gives it. It is there for me…but I need to be able to receive it…to trust Him and in His intention towards me as pure and perfect. I need to trust that He can and will extinguish the pain of the past and break down the barriers and barricades that block His love being able to penetrate to those deep dark places where I have believed I was protected but instead was imprisoned.
God is the perfect Father. As I read throughout Scripture, Old & New Testament, His desire and intent from the outset has been for relationship, He as Our Father, me (we) as his children. A father’s role is the protector and provider and the one who gave identity to the family. It is within the family context I gain a better understanding now, as a parent myself, this concept of a relational God, of His love for me as unconditional, of the security He provides and within that relationship, a realisation that everything I need will flow from His hand. There is nothing I need do, no striving, no hoops, no conditions, no requirements. Can I trust Him? More than life itself. How do I know?
Well, this past couple of weeks, I have been challenged in my role as a parent. Each experience at its coalface, has made me stop and consider what God is trying to convey to me in this role, this expression of fatherhood towards me. Here are some questions posed through my own outplaying of being a Mum loving my children in just recent events:
What am I prepared to do for my child? What would, or wouldn’t I do for the love of them?[i]
Will I hold them in their anguish?[ii]
Will I stand over them to protect them?[iii]
Will I put all of me aside to be available to them in their hour of need?[iv]
Will I practically respond to their needs and at what cost to me?[v]
Will I listen, love, lift up…encourage, engage, & evoke…their dreams and promises, beliefs and hopes?[vi]
Will I foster relationship, encouraging love, laughter, joy…a celebration of life and gratitude for all that they have in health, home, family, and friends?[vii]
Will I carry them through rough times…. Anchor them in their storms…. flank them when they are strong enough to move forward, being close enough to catch them if they stumble but at sufficient distance to allow them to grow from and through their life experiences?[viii]
Will I support them in their life choices and relationships hoping I have modelled in my own, the value, commitment…. and sacrifice at times, required to commune intimately with someone they love?[ix]
Will I hold in my heart all I believe they can achieve and be yet give them space to explore, make mistakes, regroup, reach for the impossible and fall or succeed …and either way communicate its ok…it’s the journey not the destination that matters?[x]
Will I step back, sometimes in great distress, and watch them flounder because in doing so, I allow them to develop strength of character, the need for determination to fight for what they want or believe in, to know and understand the rewards for persistence?[xi]
Will I trust and believe in them even when they don’t believe in themselves?[xii]
Will I hold unshakable hope in their abilities, gifts and talents, their capacity to succeed at anything they set in their hearts to do?[xiii]
Will I speak truth always and offer wisdom, making myself accessible and available but respectfully wait for them to ask before giving it.
Will I always hope they would come to me and ask for my help knowing I would withhold nothing if it were in my power to provide…within reason?[xiv]
Will I love them unconditionally, even if they reject me, abuse me, abandon, and refuse all I have provided and sacrificed and continue to hold all hope of their return of affection…to know and believe that nothing could ever stop me from holding out my arms to take them back?[xv]
Will I forgive and wipe the slate clean of all offenses, hurts, disappointments, and blatant refusals to accept all I so willingly offer?[xvi]
As I read back over this list, I begin to realise what a limited reflection of His love for me is expressed in these sentiments towards my own children. But it is in this vey raw and incomplete list I am given a glimpse of the Father’s heart towards me. I so often fail to love them in ways that meet their needs or communicate the depth of love I feel towards them; or love without judgement or conditions; or provide comfort, stability and security and model the love of God to them in my thoughts, actions, and words. God’s love for me though, is not ambiguous, hidden, earned or inconsistent with all He says and promises in the Bible, His love letter to us.
In Ephesians 3: 14, Paul writes….”I kneel humbly before The Father of our Lord Jesus, The Messiah,…the perfect Father of every father and child in heaven and on earth. And I pray that he would unveil within you the unlimited riches his glory and favour…that we would be empowered to discover …the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply intimate and far reaching is His love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding- this extravagant love pours into you until you are filled with all the fullness of God!”
It is His heart for you…to be loved as only He can love you…as a Father, you and me, his children…beyond the capabilities of any earthly father or mother.[xvii]
And as I go back and meditate on each of these questions it dawns on me that the answer from my Heavenly Father to each question is a gentle and infinitely powerful YES, and I am beginning to get the smallest hint of God’s love for me and you.(JR)
Are there other questions or Scriptures that speak to your life situation that would embody the Father’s love for you? Let me encourage you to watch and listen to the 2 following clips on YouTube. These are a beautiful representation of the love of God as a Father and I hope will give some credence to my efforts to express that here.
1.God’s Love Letter to You jologsmeh
2. Reckless Love Saved Sheep Studios
Be Blessed.
Naomi xx
Endnotes Bible References: The Passion Translation
[i] John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, He gave His only Son.” Romans 5:8 “But God shows His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
[ii] Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 147:3 “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”, Psalm 31:7
[iii] Psalm 121:7 “The Lord will keep you from all evil: He will keep your life.” Psalm 18:13; Deuteronomy 31:6, Job 5:19
[iv] Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” Psalm 32:7-8; Isaiah 41:10, 1 Peter 5:7
[v] Psalm 55:22 “Give your burdens to the Lord and He will take care of you. He will not permit the Godly to slip and fall.”
[vi] Jeremiah 21:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. 1 Thessalonians 2:16-17 “May our Lord Jesus Christ and God our Father…comfort your hearts and give you strength in every good thing you do and say.” Psalm 138:3
[vii] 1 Thessalonians 5:16 “Rejoice always. Give thanks continually. Philippians 4:4-7 Be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life. Let your joy overflow. And let gentleness be seen in every relationship, for our Lord is very near. Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing.”
Job 8:21 “God will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.”1 Thessalonians 5:16-17
Romans 15:13
[viii] Isaiah 43:2 “When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up. The flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God…. your Saviour.” Psalm 50:15, Psalm 34:19
1 Peter 1:6
[ix] Titus 2:7-8 “above all, set yourself apart as a model of a life nobly lived. With dignity, demonstrate integrity in all that you teach.” Proverbs 20:7 “The righteous man lives a blameless life (a life of integrity); blessed are his children after him.” John 15: 12-13 “So this is my command Love each other deeply as much as I have loved you. For the greatest love of all is a love that sacrifices all…and demonstrated when a person sacrifices his life for his friends.” Ephesians 4:1-3
[x] Psalm 91, Matthew 11:28-29” Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls.”
[xi] Romans 5:3-4: James 1:2-4 “Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow…for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. Romans 8: 35, 38-39
[xii] Proverbs 3:5-7
[xiii]Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you”.”
[xiv]Romans 8:32 “For God has proved his love by giving up his greatest treasure, the gift of his Son. And since God freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all, he certainly won’t withhold from us anything else he has to give.” Lamentations 3:22-23: Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you: seek and you will find: knock and the door will be opened to you”. Matthew 21:22 “And whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”
[xv] Luke 15: 11-32 Parable of the Prodigal son.
[xvi] 2 Chronicles 7:14” If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land.” 1 John 1: 9´ If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from every wrong.”
[xvii] Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying “Abba, Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God (Gal. 4:6–7).
**Thanks to those who have proofread and given valuable feedback:
Jeff Roorda, Anna Mellor, Lyn Henderson, Vanessa Hall
What an amazingly beautiful raw and true story. Thankyou for your honesty and transparency.
Thank you for your comment & for reading it!🧡