I had no idea…..

I had no idea….
I’m covered in dust from the days travelling and totally spent.
Weary from the travelling and the discomfort of riding the donkey, my mind can barely hold a thought.

I’m struggling to hold back the tears as Joseph & I are turned away from every room to stay. The streets of Bethlehem are busy with other travellers looking too for a room. I can’t hold on any longer. The pains are starting, my belly beginning to heave. O my God, if ever I needed you, it’s now.

In desperation, Joseph accepts an offer of shelter in the stables of an inn. At this point, I couldn’t care less…. I just want to lay down! Poor Joseph looks tired. I can see the worry in his eyes. He lifts me gently from the donkey and as my feet meet the ground outside the stable, water trickles down my legs into my sandals. Oh help! Its time. The baby is coming!

I’ve watched my mother midwife other women in my family…. I thought I had seen enough to know what this would be like. I am not ready …I don’t think I can do this but… there’s no turning back. I’m scared. I wish my mother were here!

Joseph quickly pulls some fresh straw from one of the stable stalls, does his best to clear the dirt underfoot of manure and feed and makes as comfortable a bed as he can. Our travel clothes and rug from the donkey he lays on it and eases me down onto the bed……it begins!!

I’m still shaking. I’m exhausted. The earthy smell and sweet smell of fresh straw tickle my nose. Joseph looks as dazed as I feel and I can see in his face, the awe of all he has just witnessed in being a midwife, helping me deliver the baby. I have to pinch myself as I remember the words of the angel. I hold in my arms “the supreme son of the Highest…the King of Israel ‘…that’s what the angel had said to me… Nothing could ever have prepared us for this experience.

Looking down, in awe and disbelief tears of relief and joy blur my vision, roll down my cheeks and splash onto the perfect, still, greasy skin of this wonder of a child in my arms. What a miracle. I had no idea and could never have even guessed how all the angel had told me would happen, would come to pass when I said yes to all he said God had planned for me… I had no idea what to expect or how.

Here in my arms now, is the holy baby boy…the Son of God.  My emotions are all over the place. My whole body aches and I am weak. As I lay here still on our travel clothes, I wonder at all the angel didn’t tell me. Really…was this part of God’s plan for bringing His Son to reign over Israel?”

My eyes are fixated on the smooth skin, eyelashes, his strong nose and the little mouth. In disbelief I watch this little one’s chest rise and fall with each tiny breath as he sleeps. I’m not wanting to look away in case I’m dreaming but I gaze around this humble space, thankful at least for the warmth and shelter it provides. I can’t help but wonder if the angel had forgotten some key details. I mean, yes, my pregnancy was one of Gods impossibilities” … but here? A stable?

I laugh quietly. So, this is what favour looks like? The angel called me “favoured”. Could God have meant for you to be born like this? Was this what Yahweh had in mind for His Son? Still, here we are…God’s promise, little Jesus, even if the details seem strange to me.

Tears roll uncontrollably down my face. Joseph has no idea what’s going on in my head. He looks too to be having his own struggles, but he comes to comfort me the best way he knows how. I wonder in this moment that Joseph held to his promise to take me as his wife. Had it not been for his dream from Yahweh …. God has truly protected us both, from shame, from scorn.. hiding me with my cousin Elizabeth in the early months until marriage arrangements were made. This journey to Bethlehem for a census forced us out of all security and plunged us headlong into un uncertain future, away from family, friends, all support…and a midwife!! Favour…..hmmmm…alone, scared, unsure except for a promise….a statement that we’ve both clung to…that “nothing is impossible for God”.

So, little Holy Son of God…. welcome to our world. This is not the way you should have come… .to this!  No royal robes. No royal welcome.

He snuffles quietly.

Joseph fusses around trying to clean the manger and fill it with straw so I can lay the baby down and rest. I unwrap him gently, and clean him a little, but my fingers are trembling. I’m frightened I might break him. I count his fingers and toes. Of course, he would be perfect! I tenderly push the swaddling cloth away from the baby’s perfect little face. I had no idea it could feel like this…this overwhelming love that floods over me. So Precious, this little life laying in my arms.

My mind is tired. What can this all mean? What happens now? So hard to imagine now how God will work this out but all He has said so far has come true.

I had no idea it would be like this when I said to the angel, “Let everything you have said about me come true.”

As fatigue overtakes me, I hear my cousin Elizabeth’s voice and what she said to me when I saw her. “You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what He said”. Truly….I had no idea!

Research:

1.jewsforjesus.org/learn/the role of women in the Bible July 30, 2020

by Zhava Glaser published 1988

2. Luke’s gospel chapter 1 and 2

3.Matthew Chapter 1 verses 18-25